I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just made my gag reflex go away.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
