what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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