It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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