Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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