The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
