I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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