How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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