textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She even gives head with a lisp.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
