Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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