Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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