Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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