We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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