No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
