I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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