yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
