at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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