The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I still have a little drunk in my system
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
