i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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