Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
