It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
