Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
