they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
