Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
