So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
