Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
too bad you live with your parents still
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
