Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
