We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
