Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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