Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
