I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
