I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
