Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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