i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
