3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
