Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
