somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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