apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
