we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
