Whod you bang
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
