Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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