I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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