You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
