so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
