Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
