If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
