lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
