census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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