there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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