I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
