oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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