I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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