I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
