My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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